I am a horrible Mother.

Dear Baby,
I like to lay on my stomach in bed just so I can feel the pressure of you wiggle around.
Love, Mom

18 weeks!

I had ordered a fetal doppler a couple weeks ago and we decided last night would be the night to open that bad boy up and give it a spin! Personally I was a little concerned I would not be able to find the HB which is a constant concern since our last loss. And even with finding "it" I still wasn't convinced that we were not just listening to my own HB. So Nicky made me actually check my HB and it was in fact much slower and perhaps even louder than the little one we found below. Lord I pray everything goes well next week and we hear just what we need to hear the following week from our OB.

Pregnancy: 18 weeks
Weight Gain: 2lbs 8oz
Sleep: I sleep great. I'm actually mildly concerned I am not waking up in the middle of the night to pee =(
Gender: Unknown. I had the feeling for the longest time there was a boy in there but soon we will find out!

Name: None =( Nicky refuses to discuss until he knows what we are having. He doesn't want to get attached to a gender.
Feeling: Most days are just dandy, but there are times I have to catch a wall... Or shopping cart from sciatica. Lord this pain wasn't around until at least 7 months with Shane. I was clutching so hard the other night at Target that I woke up the next day with a sore upper back from bracing myself. Talk about out. of. shape. Oh and of course the lightening bolts shooting out of my vag deserve their own post entirely!

Health: Health is great,  and I am really impressed with my BP numbers at the office. With Shane and even the last pregnancy they were always WAY to high. 

Movement: I'm fairly sure I felt movement over the weekend while laying in bed on my right side. Same spot but when I went to put my hand over the area they ceased =( I didn't think I would be able to "feel" them anyways. But how rude!

Belly: I believe one is finally starting to grow!
Next Appointment: Gender/Anatomy Scan Friday, Dec 7 and OB appt Friday, Dec 14

The Family: Shane and Charlotte still have no idea. Waiting because of previous 2nd trimester loss and to know the gender since Shane WANTS a brother.

I should not care this much.

This is not THAT important... In fact it isn't important at all but this blog is so frustrating to me. I just want someone else to take over and create a template for me!! This whole new set up is WAY above me. I believe, for now that I have found something that has fixed all the "standard features" that just keep reappearing BEHIND EVERYTHING!!! ARRGGGG!

So like I said it isn't important, no one cares and this should not be keeping me up at night instead of cuddling with my prince charming.

Happy Birthday to my first born!

My word Shane, you can't possibly be 10 years old already! I can still vividly remember every detail of your childhood so clearly that it just doesn't seem possible that you are SO OLD. Gah!!

My sweet, sweet boy. You are currently filling your days with trying to pinpoint exactly who you are/want to be. Which occasionally means you argue and practice different tones of voice much to me displeasure.

You are so bright and catch on so quickly, I just know that once you harness these skills you will be a great man who does great things and hopefully helps great amounts of people.

I want nothing but the best for you and hope that your life is as blessed as you have blessed upon mine.

My heart aches for how fast time flies. But I can't stop you from growing no matter how hard I try, that wouldn't be fair to you my love. I hope you remember these times and look fondly back on them this year. There are so many changes and new adventures to come<3

Love, Mom.

Saturday Morning release and Black Friday SHOPPING!!

I technically did not go out shopping this year, mainly because S is the one who really gets into it and he was away. But I did go out about 9am Friday morning and grab a few items kid-free at Target, Toys-r-Us, Best Buy and Pier 1! Oh Pier 1 how I love thee.

This year I decided to start a different tradition for our little family. Christmas Jammies, as in years past is a MUST, but I just wasn't feeling the Christmas Eve opening and wearing of said jammies. With Christmas Eve being such a packed day and night with Nicky's birthday and collecting S from his father's all to rush home and open... The jams. I wanted more for these jams. I wanted a life of more fulfillment for them. So with the winds of change, come new traditions. So instead of the ceremoniously opening on Christmas Eve, I have decided that there will be a box that Rick James (RJ our elf;) will bring that will contain all the necessities for a fabulously appropriate kickoff to this cozy, snuggly season. Included will be the infamous jams, hot cocoa/cider, popcorn and a collection of Christmas movies. As the years progress there may be more movies added but I intend for many to stay the same. Currently it is a collection of those fabulous old school Frosty, Rudolph, Kris Kringle and a little drummer boy!

And going along with traditions I had fully intended RJ to bring the coveted Lego Advent calendar

But unfortunately while S was being a good little elf and helping Mommy carry presents to the car for delivery to friends out of town he happened to see it! Sitting on the guest bed. Boo. So he will just get to begin opening it starting Dec 1st. But he has asked if we were getting those sad chocolate advent calendars this year which this Mom had NO intention of buying. So maybe RJ will bring something soon after all.

On the gift front, let me just point out that older kids are VERY difficult. I can shop all day for the littles, but this one as a list two items long. How am I suppose to chop that up between myself and family members? He has kindly added "Legos are cool" to this list as of recently so that helps slightly, thanks kid.

This would be the item that he speaks most about, generally under his breath while he is "forced" to play the later model. Goofy kid. And I am not sure if this was a known fact but in our home, Santa does not "do" electronics ;) 

Well I suppose I have procrastinated enough and should really get my Cinderella on and do something about this dusty house. Have a beautiful day!

Happy Birthday Lily!!

Omprecious little one turned two years old today!! My God baby is the sweetest thing, so dainty and quiet! But so very independent!! I love her to pieces and I am so grateful to get to spend her very special day with her today. I don't get to see her as often as I would like, her Mommy is about as busy as they come ;) But it just melts my heart how comfortable she feels when I am around, like she knows I am hers. The quiet eye contact from across a room, where a gentle pat on my lap has her running in for special cuddles. Gah this child is such a blessing!

And thank you Birthday Girl for only smiling for me and not your Mommy lol!

Early Birthday Shenanigans

So this month, this year is a little crazy. We decided with everything going on and to include the friends we wanted to include we would celebrate S's 10th Birthday a week early. Lucky kid.
So I filled my car with preteen testosterone and headed to out to race go-karts and refuel with pizza and pizookies. Lord have mercy I know someone was sitting back and having a good laugh at that plan. But all in all I believe they ALL had a good time, I racked up the Disney $$'s and ended the evening with a couple excedrin!!
I think we may be upgrading to something with a third row a little sooner just to keep my eardrums intact.

Frustrated!!

OMG I am so frustrated right NOW!!!! I just wanted to change this dang template and there is something stuck in the background that just won't go AWAY!! But that doesn't seem enough of a reason to let my mind continue to race with no where to go.
Deep Breath.
Today I am 16 weeks 5days. No bump. No movement. Which is to be expected but I am so unsettled with the lack of visual progress. I keep thinking that if I "looked pregnant" that would mean that everything was ok. I know if I felt the baby I would feel better. But since I can not force these matters I decided to order a doppler instead =P
Our big Ultrasound is on December 7th. I just wish I could let go and relax. But in the back of my mind is the possibility to go in there and find out we have another little baby with no heartbeat. Which is the only reason S has no clue... Well he may have of a clue... That he is a big brother... again...
And I keep telling myself that its ok that we have started to buy things for this little one because if worse comes to worse we can bless another couple with our stockpile. As sad as that sounds. I will not be that rational, obviously. Gah I wish there were more things in a day to do so I wouldn't find myself in this spot. I have seen this baby so many times in my ever so vivid dreams that HE just has to be mine. And at this point its a boy ;) Maybe because that's all I know. I have dreamed we were having a girl at first but the last dream I had weeks ago was of this precious face dressed in blue. 3 more weeks.