Happy New Year It's 2013!!!

Officially 23 weeks, which means nothing to people who ask how far along we are! So in layman's terms we are in the 5 month range!

I am feeling so blessed right now for so very many reasons. This time last year we were mourning the loss of our 13 week little one. We thought we were in the clear and felt comfortable to announce to our family and friends but more importantly to the new Big Brother! But sadly the following week we learned that our little one's heart had stopped beating. I am not sure if miscarrying would have been easier for me since that never happened. But I do remember walking around with this sweet little being inside of me hoping that somehow the Dr's and tech's were wrong. Woman can be so internal with their deepest, truest feelings that we don't have words for what we are feeling and what we have gone through but I hope that me speaking clearly about something that happens, that no one talks about except with others it has happened to, that it will help someone not feel so alone. And I hope that it is not assumed that I am caught up in the past, but when you are so over the moon about something and it is ripped away from you, it is a little hard to just forget and move on. And as a mother, we will never stop worrying. We worry about our babies from the moment they are conceived. The moment they arrive in this world, the first day we go back to work (if that is our role), the first day of school, sleepovers, dances, dates, outings. It's a wonder the few hairs left on my head are not grey! So hoping or asking a mother NOT to worry is rather comical to me.
And although those feelings of worry and loss will always be with me, as well as every Mommy that has an extra angel in heaven, I am so blessed to be in the position that I am. To have one child learning so very much continually everyday. With a hunger for good and the occasional distraction for... Being naughty ;) And this little one who is growing and kicking and stretching and continually has the hiccups! I am so blessed with the kindest man who puts up with my random "projects" and "tangents" and the sweetest puppy who keeps me safe and protected from neighborhood cats!

So here's to 2013! Toasting with sparkling apple cider but dreaming of martini's and champagne!